Typewriter Rodeo: What To Do If You Run Out Of TP

Each week, the Standard reaches out to Austin’s Typewriter Rodeo for a custom poem on Texas topics.

By Sean PetriMay 8, 2020 9:30 am,

Of all the things that were in short supply when most people began to shelter in place, the lack of one important commodity seemed to strike a chord.

What To Do If You Run Out Of TP

You searched on Amazon

And everywhere else

You even braved the store

Searched every shelf

But the brand-new gold

Is all sold out

Each square you use

Brings rolls of doubt

You’ve got maybe a week

And that’s counting the tissues

Now is NOT the time

For stomach issues

After that you’ll switch

To Brawny Super-Tough

And wish they didn’t make

Paper towels so rough

But even those will seem dreamy

As you move to just paper

That printer tray holds

A ream of rear-scraper

If you get the Sunday Times

Sing a joyful song:

And put that politician’s face

Right where it belongs

And then, perhaps

That old shirt, forgotten

Thanks for the memories, dear pal

And for being made of cotton

So take stock NOW

Before the shortage begins –

What could you use in a pinch


The end?


Produced by Laura Rice


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