Euphemisms, as I’m sure you know, are kind words for harsh truths. It’s a way of sugarcoating things, like saying “she passed away” instead of “she died,” or instead of saying “he’s lazy,” we might say, “he’s taking a break.”
Life insurance is a good example of a euphemism. You’re really insured against death, not against life. No one wants to buy death insurance, though. But life insurance? Yes. I will have some of that. It might be the most profitable euphemism ever invented.
In Texas, we have a lot of fun euphemisms as we are a culture that loves using creative metaphors in place of directness at times.
For instance, my brother Redneck Dave never said, in polite company, that he was going to the restroom. He’d say, as many cowboy-types do, “Well, if y’all will excuse me, I gotta see a man about a horse.” That’s always been a favorite of mine – so obscure and indirect. Or as they say on TikTok, so demure, so mindful.
Women say “I need to ‘go freshen up'” or “I need to “’go to the powder room, powder my nose, check the fences.’”
For death, we have many. I have heard “pushing up the bluebonnets,” a Texas version of “pushing up the daisies.” “Hung up his spurs” or “gone to the big ranch in the sky” are both favorites.
I like that we don’t use “snow bird” here in Texas as a name for our winter visitors. No. We call them Winter Texans. What better compliment can you give a visitor to Texas than to make them official part-time Texans?
Developers are exceptionally talented in their use of euphemisms. I saw a new housing development recently that was called Shady Creek Acres. There was no creek, no trees, and they weren’t even selling acre lots. They were quarter-acre lots. That’s marketing.
I don’t hear this one much anymore, but it still cracks me up when I do. For someone who is “under the weather,” which is itself euphemistic, some old timers say, “he’s feeling a bit puny” today. For someone with a bad reputation: “She’s got a colorful past.”
In Spanish, “ito” is a handy euphemizer. If you are dieting, a taquito is a euphemism for a taco. “Ito” can be used to euphemize anything. “Malito.” A little bit sick. “Está un poco malito.” “Abuelito” is more than a grandfather, he is an adorable, charming grandfather that you love dearly. You’d put him in your pocket if you could.
For someone who has crazy ideas, try this: “He’s a creative thinker.” Reminds me of Cormac McCarthy describing a restless unsettled kid in “Blood Meridian” as one who’s “got his mind set to wanderin’.”
When things go really south at work in a big way, you’ll hear, “well, that escalated quickly” or “guess that didn’t go as planned.” Understatements can be euphemisms. Minimizing the tragedy.
The best euphemism I’ve ever heard for that sort of snafu was the description that came from SpaceX last year when their first major starship test flight down at Boca Chica beach ended in a cataclysmic explosion. SpaceX reported the event matter-of-factly as a “rapid, unscheduled disassembly.”
