It’s the time of year for time off. And for anyone trying to get in touch with someone else, it’s the time of year for automatic replies. That was the inspiration for this Typewriter Rodeo poem.
Out of Office Email Responder
Hello!
Thank you for your inquiry.
I’m out of the office
And I don’t have access to my email.
I mean,
I’m not really out of the “office”
As the office is, of course, my bed
Where I manage your project
While tucked under four weighted blankets
And wearing my snuggly pajama pants
And my respectable Zoom shirt
Regardless, I will not be able to reply to your email
As I’ve changed my email password
And I did not write down the new one
Also I have shut down my computer
Extracted the hard drive
Stuck that into a cardboard box
Wrapped it up in a lovely jewel-toned tissue paper
With a shiny red bow on top
And deposited it on top of a lamp post
Four blocks from my home.
If you have a work-related request
Please reach out to my colleague
Who likely also has an auto-responder on
That will send you back to me
Which is probably an indication
That you should put an auto-responder on too
Thanks, and hope we’ve been of service!
Typewriter Rodeo airs each Friday on Texas Standard. Send us your ideas for a poem on 
